I ain't lyin'

For years now, I have made comments to Josh about how I do not like the colored M&Ms; I prefer the brown ones. I'm okay with the yellow, orange, red and green, but there should be no blue M&Ms. Do you remember the old-school M&Ms? They used to have the tan colored ones, and now that I think about it, were there even green ones then?

Anyway, I have always declared that I can taste the difference and Josh quickly dismisses my comments, "Whatever, they are all the same," he says.

"No, they're not!" I declare. "Food is not supposed to be bright blue. I can taste the difference." Is a conversation we have had more than once.

In an effort to completely procrastinate from grading 150 hand written tests, I thought I would make use of my time by designing my own experiment (I am a scientist, after all).

I took out a yellow, orange, green blue and brown M&M from my stash. I took 5 sticky notes and wrote those colors down, one on each. I wrapped each M&M in its rightful sticky note and shuffled them around. I took a sticky note cluster and, without looking, unwrapped it and ate the M&M. While I thoughtfully tasted each, I blindly wrote down a number on the sticky note, in the order that I ate each. Then, I tucked each sticky note in a drawer, so I wouldn't accidentally see which colors I had already eaten. After I carefully observed the taste of each M&M, I made a prediction of what each M&M color might be.

My notes were as follows:
1--yellow or green
2--orange or yellow
3--brown or yellow
4-- BLUE!
5--could be brown

I was excited to see my own results. I took my sticky notes out of the drawer and sorted through them numerically. I was actually quite surprised!

My results are as follows:
1--green
2--orange
3--yellow
4--blue
5--brown

I could hardly believe that what I actually claimed was right. I knew without a doubt the blue one, but was surprised about the other four as well. I am anxious to try my experiment again to see how accurate I really am.

Negativity Detox

I can't seem to shake the funk I am in. It is a combination of work, home life and my own personal grumpiness that is weighing me down (figuratively and literally). I need a negativity detox program to save me. It's not that I want to feel this way, obviously, but I typically don't have this problem for this long. I feel creatively tapped, so planning for work seems like an impossible task. I am not motivated to workout like normal, so I miss my typical endorphin rush. I feel sad when I don't get to see my kids much each day and then I am frustrated when they are crabby. Sadly, my lack of motivation has not had a negative effect on my appetite, so this only exaggerates one of my issues. I wish I could take Kelli's new quote and "just build a bridge and get over it" but I can't seem to maneuver around this at the moment.

30's just a number

I can always rely on my wonderful husband to remind me that I am quickly approaching 30. I only have minutes to go! I, then, remind him that I can never catch up to him.

As this milestone in age approaches, I tell myself that 30 is just a number. It really is just that to me. I don't feel any older, although I am sure I look older. I haven't had any parents complaining yet about how young and inexperienced I must be because I look so young. Instead of feeling another year older, I think I will just remark on how much more experienced I am. I know that in the last year alone I have grown so much. I know that I became much wiser (maybe not in the ways of grammar...is "wiser" a word?) in the past 9 months. I feel more confident and accomplished...or maybe that is what 30 just feels like??

I have always been the "oldest" child in terms of actions in my family, even though I am the 3rd of four children. Perhaps this assumed role has helped me to gain the perspective that 30 truly is just a number, and that you are only as old as you feel. Maybe I can keep that as my personal motto...through my 30's, at least.

Happy birthday to me.

Recent weeks

Joslynn started preschool (one night a week) and is really excited about it. It is so hard to believe she is getting so old so fast. She was so cute at school the other night. I love the innocence and wonder that she has at this age.
Rowan just turned 5 months the other day. He has been eating cereal, veggies and fruit for several weeks now. He is incredibly strong and rolls over all the time and can really lift his head off the floor to look around when he is on his tummy. He is super happy and loves his brother and sister so much; they make him laugh and smile constantly. This picture is typical--a big smile on his face.
Rowan mistook my hand for his lunch. He was really hungry! He is a pretty big eater. When he wants food, there is no time to delay!
Joslynn is pretty tall for her age, but when these two laid down next to each other it was interesting to see how tall he is already! My two blue-eyed children.
Jackson was not so cooperative when we wanted to get a picture, thus, the crabby face. Rowan may pass him soon in the height department. Even though Jackson is moody and throws his fits, he is very kind and gentle with his little bro.

I mentioned on facebook a few weeks ago that I am acutely aware of some of these recent milestones with Rowan. I don't know if it is because I know he is our last baby and I am sad to see some of this time fly by, or if maybe my kids are just getting to that age where everything is in hyper-drive and we just can't keep up. All I know is, my kids are growing up so quickly! I am certainly enjoying it, especially seeing them with one another. Those are my favorite moments.

4 months

My baby boy is already 4 months old. Oh, how time has flown by. His big sis just adores him.
He can kind of sit up on his own, when he is propped against something, but he will fall forward after a while.

Here is the sleepy little man. Look at those cute puffy cheeks!

Clever boy

Yesterday we had an appointment at Gillette's for a continuation of the research study that Jackson is participating in. It is a 2 hour session of standardized questions and observations on the part of a physical therapist. It is interesting and entertaining to see Jackson interact with her, make her laugh and, also, impress us all with his clever antics. One part, in particular, was just hilarious.

Janie, the PT, was asking Jackson some questions. She said, "Jackson, if I were playing in the mud, I would be...." she looks to him to finish the statement. "A pig!" Jackson replies excitedly. We all break into laughter and Jackson's smile is from ear to ear showing his pleasure in making everyone else laugh. Undoubtedly, Janie was looking for something more like "dirty" as a response, however she agreed that he was not at all incorrect, so she thought she would try another one.

Janie: "Jackson, if I were playing outside in the winter and didn't have a coat on, I would be...."

I could see it coming and held back my laughter...

Jackson: "A snowman!!!"

Again, laughter enveloped the room and we joked about his candor. This kid sure can make us laugh.

Jackson's 3rd Birthday

Okay, I know...I am super late with this post considering Jackson turned 3 weeks ago, although in my defense, we couldn't have his birthday party until the following week and then of course I will fall back on the old "life got busy" excuse. Better late than never, right?

In the picture above, Jackson is being shy as we sing to him (which is the same thing he did when the Applebee's people did it). It was that horridly humid day (July 17th) when we had his party and my lens on the camera fogged up because of the extreme temperature difference between my camera and the outside.

This is Jackson's favorite new toy. He calls it the "garbage can" even though it is a garbage truck. It is pretty cute watching him put stuff in the mini garbage can and dump it in.

This is the birthday boy posing with his earthworm cupcakes. They were quite a hit!

Jackson's new wheels. We searched and searched to find the right ride for our little man. It is pretty cool. He has a little basket in front, the dump bucket in back and even a little zipper backpack on the back of his seat. Equipped with steering for mom or dad and a flip down foot rest for Jackson when he gets tired...this bad boy is decked out! Oh, and we got him the old style bell. It's so cute when he rings it.

I still cannot believe that he is 3 years old already. My babies are growing up too fast.

Emotions

Saturated...is how I feel with different emotions right now. I am not sure where they are all coming from, but I can definitely feel all swarming me from all directions.

Pissed-off...at myself for my poor eating habits and for not working out today.

Nervous...about all the impending BIG decisions related to the land and house that we have to make very soon.

Overwhelmed...with all of the new information and strategies that I feel I need to implement this year at work.

Sad...I missed my babies today. I know I have more time with them yet, but today just really made me sad about school approaching. I'm not ready to go back yet.

Excited...to learn more at my workshop this week.

Terrified...about the national debt situation. What will this mean for our country? What kind of future will my children have?

Torn...between two very nice, yet very different plots of land. We don't know what to do and this is such a huge decision.

Frumpy...is the way I feel tonight. I snacked on all the wrong things, and am sitting here feeling a little disgusted with myself right now.

Trapped...in this tiny apartment. I hate not having a yard, or walls that belong only to us.

Lonely...is how I get every once in a while when everyone else is in bed and I am working or sitting alone. They are all in the next rooms, but I just want to crawl in bed with all of them and snuggle.

Rushed...to finish my next set of classes. August 15th is quickly approaching and I have much to do.

Happy...that tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I'll have the wisdom, strength, courage and motivation to tackle the challenges I didn't before and to make it through the day with a lot more positive feelings by the time my head hits the pillow.

One more year

Dear Jackson,

Three years ago, you were quite reluctant to come out. You refused to come on your own, so at 41 weeks pregnant, the doc induced me. After a tough labor, and delivery, my 9 pound 2 ounce mini-man was here with a head full of black hair and incredible dark eyes. Since that day, you have graced us with your sweet nature, endless hugs and snuggles (I hope they never end) and the cutest little smile, and giggle I have ever seen or heard. Thank you so much for being the sweetest little man a mama could ask for. I love you. Happy Birthday.

Love,
Mommy

Random thoughts of the day

Here are a few random things that are on my mind that I felt like mentioning...

• I am taking the plunge and am committing to 12 credits this summer. I now have factual evidence of my own insanity. I registered for them and they need to be completed by Aug. 15th. Yikes!
  
• I am trying Zumba...and I like it!
• Gave Josh a haircut last night. It looks great. I could be a barber if everyone wanted his cut.
  
• I peeled off my beautiful nail polish from the wedding and I miss how pretty my nails looked. It makes me feel really superficial.
• I am super excited for Jackson's birthday gift to come in the mail...we'll take pictures on Sunday (his birthday). I hope it is here on time...unlike my zumba videos that were delivered a week late!
• I am just waiting for Rowan to laugh. He smiles like a kid in a candy store but we can't figure out what to do to give him that extra boost toward laughter. He is just so dang cute.
• Eye doc appointment today...wondering if maybe he/she can retest my eyes and see if I can wear contacts. I am so sick of glasses.

Are those not the most random thoughts? I guess I need any excuse to take a break from my very dry reading material.

A day of posts

Today seems to be the day that everyone else is updating their blog, must be the new month, so I figured I need to follow suit. I was reading TelegaWoman's blog and had some serious list envy, so to make myself feel better, I thought I would just list the random things I have done so far this summer since I didn't make a 'To-do' list. Some of them are much more trivial than others, but many are fun summer milestones.

These items have all taken place since June 1st.

• Started dieting (really)
• Exercised at least 5 days a week. Typically 6, but sometimes I find an excuse to get that 2nd day off. It turned out to be 24 of 30 days in June.
  
• Changed 100's of diapers
• Got a manicure and pedicure
• Went to a bachelorette party
  
• Was a bridesmaid
  
• Danced for about 2 hours on three separate occasions
• Got drunk once, buzzed twice...same dancing occasions as above
• Got a spray on tan (I would NOT recommend it! It made me feel sick.)
• Got a sunburn on my shoulders (naturally)
• Went to a parade (above sunburn was from this)
  
• Talked a lot of baby-talk
  
• Tried out a new restaurant
• Ate corn on the cob
  
• Got Rowan tested
• Weighed myself too many times
• Went to the farmer's market
• Drove to the cities
• Tried a new Essential Oil--Lavendar-works great for allergies!
  
• Received my diploma for my masters in the mail
  
• Registered Jackson with the district for SPED services
• Found a new babysitter in the area
  
• Started kids in new daycare
• Went out to an anniversary lunch with the whole family
• Attended a science meeting that infuriated me, but I'm over it already
  
• Seriously considered moving into larger apt. in same building, but opted not to
• Bought a few new things for myself, but nothing major (clutch purse, earrings, a few shirts and new jammies)
  
• Ate a LOT of watermelon
• Made homemade cards for my parent's anniversary and father's day
  
• Swam with the kids several times in the pool
  
• Visited grandma and grandpa a few times
• Went to a movie
  
• Spent some serious time researching good trikes for my little man's 3rd birthday
  
• Visited a friend w/ new baby in the hospital
  
• Went on a picnic with the family
• Watched the Kardashians (my guilty pleasure--I just like the drama, I guess)
  
• Took hundreds of pictures on my camera
• Completed about 97% of my first 3-credit class for the summer (sadly, my goal was to complete 4...not sure if that will happen)
• Spent lots of time snuggling and playing with kids

There are a lot of things that I wish were on this list, but who knows...maybe it'll happen. Thanks for the inspiration TelegaWoman.

Terrified

It's 2:51 a.m.

I am sitting in the rocking chair, holding the sweetest creature God could put on this earth. My baby.

I am silently crying a river of tears. The cold droplets run down my face and trickle down my neck. More than anything I want to just scream the anger and fear that I have been holding and hiding for months now, but I cannot.

I ask and plead with God to "Just make him okay...you have to make him okay." I stifle my last cries and lay him down to sleep.

Soon enough we'll know.

Motivation to frustration

My motivation to change my shape has now shifted to shear frustration. I've been bustin' my butt working out 5-6 times a week and depriving myself of delicious goodness for over a month now for a measly 4 pounds! Are you kidding me? Now I understand why people eat themselves into oblivion; because they tried to lose weight and the fat just laughed in their face! I also see why people resort to surgeries and crazy diet pills. I have to say, I think, no, wait, I KNOW, that I would rather go through another child birth than try to get this stubborn weight off. People always joke about not making the pregnant lady angry, well they should watch out for the dieting lady; she's one hungry bitch.

My baby sister is married

Saturday flew by in a flash...I managed to get some of it on camera. Unfortunately blogger likes to upload my pictures at random, so these don't necessarily go in order. Enjoy!

Joslynn had so much fun dancing the night away.


This is my sister and my dad; a picture that I wish I had. No one took pictures at my reception.


Joslynn certainly lived up her "princess for a day" look.


Joslynn was pretty outgoing and gave the groom a smooch in front of the whole reception.


Jackson fell asleep eating his chicken nuggets. I carried him out to the van and there was drool down my arm. He was pretty wrecked at 6pm. (No nap)


This was one of the best photos from the bride and groom's first dance. No, this wasn't the only part of the first dance, they started with a slow song and then did a remix dance number. It was pretty cool.


One of the many kisses during dinner.


The newlyweds!


This was my favorite--the reverse dip!


Mama and Joslynn all dressed up.


My favorite: Just me and my little man.

Big Ambition

I always start off the summer with big ambitions about all the things I am going to accomplish. I have done this many times and never even came close to completing the lists I would make for myself, so I have decided that I am not going to make a list. I started yesterday and stopped after item number one. I am going to just do what I can and then not be disappointed with myself with whatever I have (or have not) accomplished at the end of summer. This is extremely difficult for me, because I love lists. I love checking things off, however, I also dislike unfinished lists, so we'll see what happens with this years plan.

Hungry

I'm hungry. I think about food from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. Why can't diets be easy? Damn you baby-fat!

P.S. My earlier post was probably me just being a bitch because of said hunger.

A life of chaos

I feel like my life is nothing but whining, crying, screaming and nagging. Is there something that I am doing so wrong? Am I such a horrible mom? This constant chaos is driving me fuckin nuts.

Feelin' Blue

I'm just sad and scared. Terrified is more-so the word that is fitting, but I am trying to manage my trepidation in my own mind. I don't want to know about Rowan unless it is good news, yet, I know my mind won't rest until I do know. Jackson has been having a bit of a hard time lately and that just makes me think about it even more.

Not so easy to lose

Did you ever notice how easy it is to lose things like your keys, your phone, or your favorite sweatshirt, or heaven forbid, your purse? The things we fear losing most are the easiest to misplace. On the other hand, the things we want to lose most are the most difficult. I'm talking about weight.

I look in the mirror and think, "Oh, I don't look that bad." But then I try to put some of my clothes on, and after they do not fit I feel a little defeated. So, I've gone on wearing my stretchy clothes all while I have been waiting patiently to start vamping up my workouts. You would think the constant packing of boxes, moving, unpacking of boxes, back and forth, back and forth would be a good workout, right? WRONG! The scale told me, "Nice try!" and scoffed at my weight loss efforts. So, now that that we are pretty much settled in our new apartment, I have been making an effort to get back into my workout routine. I worked out 6 of the 7 days last week (only six because I was tired) and the stupid scale laughed at me again! All the work of exercise and even trying to diet for a measly 2 pounds?!? Needless to say, I was not impressed with my progress. Yes, yes, I know that I just had the baby, but I am still carrying around an extra 20 pounds! When I ran last night, my ankles hurt...I think it was because of the extra weight. That really discouraged me. I have a bridesmaid dress to fit into in less than a month and this poky process is starting to make me nervous and frustrated. Isn't it easier to lose some of the initial weight and then get harder? Come on! I am just annoyed; I know I need to be more vigilant and patient.

Quick Update

So...I only have a little bit before the mini-man is up to eat. Here he is, cute as a button, in his baby papasan chair. Isn't he so cute?


This is my kids' idea of helping us pack.


My mini-man has started smiling...not all the time, but every once in a while and I caught this one on film. Precious!


I just LOVE this little guy. He is so stinkin' cute!