The birth

For those of you completely uninterested in reading about the birth of my third child, then you can exit this screen right now. I am mainly writing this to account for some of the details that I know I will forget very soon.

On Wednesday, April 13th, 2011 I woke up fairly early out of anticipation of meeting my new little munchkin. I made myself some toast and then went about our normal morning routine of getting dressed, bare essentials for makeup (literally) hair--no, we can skip doing hair today. I was ready before the kids even woke up and I paced around the house trying to straighten things up and make sure that I wasn't forgetting anything before we had to get going. Josh and I dropped off Joslynn and Jackson at daycare, leaving them with the news that they would have a new brother or sister later that day. Joslynn's eyes lit up!

We headed to the hospital and made a pit stop at a gas station so that Josh could get something to drink. After parking, checking in and walking throughout the hospital, we were in our room. I had a nice nurse named Trista. I changed into my gown, had to weigh myself (which was a huge ego boost since the scale said I was 9 pounds lighter than my last checkup! I am convinced that was the correct weight the whole time...at least that is what I am telling myself.) We proceeded with the necessary questions and paperwork. My IV was started and finally at 8:00 the Petosin was started.

Josh and I sat there talking and watching TV while Trista would come in from time to time with new information. At 9:00 my doctor came in to break my water. From here on out, the dilation process was slow. "You're at 3 and a half." "You're at 4." "You're at 4 and a half." This snail-like process had me worried that I would be there all day and into the night!

Trista and I discussed the options of pain control and she was great at explaining all my options. I had not ever had an epidural, so I wanted to know what I was getting into if I traveled that route. You might be asking yourself, "Why WOULDN'T you get an epidural?" (Yes, I read minds.) Well, I have this weird, claustrophobic fear and part of that fear is not being able to move. So, the thought of not being able to move my legs really scared me. However, after the birth of my son, Jackson, and all the ouchy stuff that happened with that, I was willing to consider this new option.

In an attempt to get the dilating ramped up a bit, we decided to go for a little stroll out in the hallway. After getting the mess of cords, and tubes and everything situated, we were on our way. By this time, the contractions were strong enough that I had to stop walking and focus and breathe, but it really felt good to get out of the bed and move. We did one little "lap" and decided to go for another. After 2 laps, we returned and I laid down.

Trista kept having to readjust the baby monitor on my belly to try and hear baby's heart rate. After watching it closely, she needed me to lay on my side so that she could keep close track of what was happening. After monitoring me and baby for a while, she checked me again and I was only at 5 centimeters. 'What? How can I only be at five???' I thought.

At this point, I was willing to try the epidural in hopes that it might speed my dilation. By the time the anesthesiologist got in there, the contractions were now strong enough where I could not talk to anyone, and I just needed to close my eyes, focus and breathe. It took quite a while to get the whole thing set up. When he injected the medicine into my back, I could actually feel it going into my right side. After the epidural was in I was freezing. They wanted me to lay down again, and I snuggled under the covers.

After a while things started to move very fast. The contractions became very strong and I could feel nothing in my right side, but I certainly felt EVERYTHING in my left. This was incredibly uncomfortable and the contractions definitely took over my body because I started shaking uncontrollably. It was like I had hypothermia--I wanted to stop shaking, but I couldn't. I think it was my body's way of dealing with the pain.

We finally got the anesthesiologist back in and we discussed my options. Because of the amount of pain I was in, I opted for him to try to adjust the existing epidural, rather than start all over with a new one. After about 10 minutes, things started to get a little better on the left side and I was so relieved. The contractions were still very strong, but I could breathe easier and I started to feel some pressure...you know, down there.

Trista checked me again and to my complete surprise, she said, you are ready! They called in my doctor and they started to prep for the actual delivery. This was a surreal time. In the few moments of the doctor prepping the bed, more nurses coming in, the leg stirrups, the medical tools...it is like a blur.

My doctor is...how should I say this...borderline eccentric? He is very upbeat and completely competent, but he is a little different. There was a medical student in the room and he was talking to her and trying to explain a few things to her. Then he looks at me and says, "You're ready." It is nice to know that your doctor has confidence in you too because he was telling the med student that she was in the right room to view her first birth because I was a pro.

Then the doc says, "When you feel your next contraction coming you let us know and then you are going to push."

(Deep sigh) "Okay." I say, and I think I nod my head.

"Okay, one is coming." I feel the pressure, I push. The contraction is over. I feel another one, I push...

"Here he is! It's a boy!"

They laid him on my chest and I see my perfect little baby and say "hello" to him over and over because I can't believe he is here. It is instant, unbreakable love.

The new man in my life

I can't believe that over a week has gone by since my new little man was born. Rowan James Stewart is the newest man in my life and he is so wonderful. He loves to snuggle and he listens intently when I talk to him; he literally hangs on every word. I need to cherish that while it lasts! He is just a tiny little peanut; most of his clothes drown his little body. We're working on that.

His sister vies over his every move. She smothers him with kisses and brings him toys and stuffed animals that are too big for him, but it is the cutest gesture. His brother mostly watches from a distance, but will occasionally stop by to hold him or to just peek at what he is up to.

Rowan does all the cute facial expressions in his sleep like the one-sided grin, puckered lips, grumpy face and my personal favorite is the "drunk-on-the-milk" look. If we are comparing him to siblings to show similarities, then he is most like his sister. His eyes are a brighter blue right now and that is how Joslynn's were; Jackson's eyes were almost black with a blue tint to them---his are brown now. Rowan also squirms and grunts like his sister did and nurses like she did too. They both have the crazy "tiger face" as I call it. Rowan has his own distinct qualities though; he has very long fingers, so his hands look enormous. He also has long toes, just like mommy. He had less hair when he was born than either one of the kids, but it is still a nice little dark coating.

Currently, his eyelashes are starting to sprout out. He has been letting me get about 3 hours of sleep at a time at night, which is nice. He doesn't mind the noise that the kids are constantly making; actually, I think it helps him sleep. His cord stub fell off a few days ago, so I will be giving him his first real bath tonight at home. Tomorrow, we plan to venture out to grandma and grandpa's house for Easter.

This is my first time taking a maternity leave, and I have to say, I love it. I think I am especially enjoying it for several reasons: I had a hell of a year leading up to this, and I think since Rowan is our last baby, I am soaking up every minute of baby-time.

Much Easier To Let Go

My honors students made it much easier for me to let go of work today. Up until just recently, I have been having a hard time letting go of work. I know that may sound crazy to some people, but I truly invest (far too much) of my life into my work. I take my job very seriously; I have extremely high standards for myself, and evidently too high for my students. Anyway... I think the part that was making it hard to let go was because I didn't feel ready to go. I wasn't ready. I have never taken a leave before and I hate making up sub plans, so it was hard for me to prepare to be gone. I have since then spent time with my sub, personally discussing what I would do if I were there, getting papers, etc. in order and I am now plenty ready to be done. Mostly, I am so uncomfortable and really excited to meet this little munchkin that I am excited to be done, but I feel that I am leaving prepared to know that I wasn't leaving in a frenzy. As I started off the post, I said that my honors students made it much easier for me to leave, well, I wasn't kidding. I took the time to prepare a survey, 9 questions and a place to leave "constructive" criticism since this was the first year I was teaching honors and wanted some feedback. I can't believe I wasted my time! I was nearly heartbroken after reading some of their responses. I hate those moments when you question your own ability in what you are doing. I know they are just kids and will make excuses and blame anyone for what they don't understand even though I know that I worked my ass off to help them succeed, but it is still hard to hear. I guess I shouldn't take myself so seriously...

On the bright side, in 48 hours, a new little baby will be sitting in my arms and that will be the only thing I can or even want to think about.