Writing has been my way to relieve stress for as long as I can remember, that, and running, but since I can hardly waddle myself along, I think the running is out of the question, which makes this post even more of a necessity for my own sanity. If you are not in the mood to be brought down by my tirade, then please, exit out of this screen right now, because I can assure you, I have nothing positive to say right now.
The past month of my life has been the most trying ever. It seems like it is just one thing after the other. I thought life was busy enough being a mom of two, who works full time while pursuing a second degree, but then when you throw in things like being uncomfortably pregnant, trying to sell a house, preparing for maternity leave, and doing most of this as a "single mom" isn't easy when your husband is not home many nights and weekends. Juggling kids' appointments and my own were challenging enough and then came Jackson's diagnosis. I think I was slightly in denial, but I never expected something so huge. With that news has come so much emotion and fear and uncertainty; I hate that.
To top things off, my body has decided to be uncooperative and give me blood clots in my leg, springing on extra trips to the doctor. Now, with the fact that I am a "genetic mutation carrier" I am evidently at risk for cardiomyopathy, which is a heart condition; I now need to be screened with an echocardiogram and an EKG ever year/ or few years. I am already starting to feel like a lab rat. Just when you are stupid enough to think that you can't take any more stress, your daycare tells you that they do not have a place for your new baby in the fall. This leaves us with two options. Option 1: Find a completely new daycare for all three children--yeah, good luck with that! Option 2: Find a place for new baby alone and have to split the kids up between two daycares, meaning they won't see each other and play together during the first year of new baby's life. That makes me really sad for all of them.
During all of this, I am evidently supposed to be keeping up on the 9 papers that are due in about a month for my one class that is completely worthless and a total waste of my time and money, and I am supposed to be finishing my action research paper and adding onto my, already 50+ page paper, in order to graduate on time, which I am dead set on doing. I just have no idea how I will accomplish this. I am so distracted that I can't focus on the things that I need to.
Instead of sitting down to do some necessary school writing, I am looking into daycares, calling insurance companies, signing up for research sites, scheduling doctor appointments, researching therapy treatments, signing up for cord blood (stem cell) kits and information, cleaning the house and taking "sell worthy pictures" and searching for the best mobility devices that I can. Somehow I still need to manage to stay caught up with my planning and grading and all my every day job duties. I have to juggle my teacher hat, student hat, mom and wife hat and somehow make it all come together. I could really use spring break right now.
