Terrified

It's 2:51 a.m.

I am sitting in the rocking chair, holding the sweetest creature God could put on this earth. My baby.

I am silently crying a river of tears. The cold droplets run down my face and trickle down my neck. More than anything I want to just scream the anger and fear that I have been holding and hiding for months now, but I cannot.

I ask and plead with God to "Just make him okay...you have to make him okay." I stifle my last cries and lay him down to sleep.

Soon enough we'll know.

Motivation to frustration

My motivation to change my shape has now shifted to shear frustration. I've been bustin' my butt working out 5-6 times a week and depriving myself of delicious goodness for over a month now for a measly 4 pounds! Are you kidding me? Now I understand why people eat themselves into oblivion; because they tried to lose weight and the fat just laughed in their face! I also see why people resort to surgeries and crazy diet pills. I have to say, I think, no, wait, I KNOW, that I would rather go through another child birth than try to get this stubborn weight off. People always joke about not making the pregnant lady angry, well they should watch out for the dieting lady; she's one hungry bitch.

My baby sister is married

Saturday flew by in a flash...I managed to get some of it on camera. Unfortunately blogger likes to upload my pictures at random, so these don't necessarily go in order. Enjoy!

Joslynn had so much fun dancing the night away.


This is my sister and my dad; a picture that I wish I had. No one took pictures at my reception.


Joslynn certainly lived up her "princess for a day" look.


Joslynn was pretty outgoing and gave the groom a smooch in front of the whole reception.


Jackson fell asleep eating his chicken nuggets. I carried him out to the van and there was drool down my arm. He was pretty wrecked at 6pm. (No nap)


This was one of the best photos from the bride and groom's first dance. No, this wasn't the only part of the first dance, they started with a slow song and then did a remix dance number. It was pretty cool.


One of the many kisses during dinner.


The newlyweds!


This was my favorite--the reverse dip!


Mama and Joslynn all dressed up.


My favorite: Just me and my little man.

Big Ambition

I always start off the summer with big ambitions about all the things I am going to accomplish. I have done this many times and never even came close to completing the lists I would make for myself, so I have decided that I am not going to make a list. I started yesterday and stopped after item number one. I am going to just do what I can and then not be disappointed with myself with whatever I have (or have not) accomplished at the end of summer. This is extremely difficult for me, because I love lists. I love checking things off, however, I also dislike unfinished lists, so we'll see what happens with this years plan.

Hungry

I'm hungry. I think about food from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. Why can't diets be easy? Damn you baby-fat!

P.S. My earlier post was probably me just being a bitch because of said hunger.

A life of chaos

I feel like my life is nothing but whining, crying, screaming and nagging. Is there something that I am doing so wrong? Am I such a horrible mom? This constant chaos is driving me fuckin nuts.