Negativity Detox

I can't seem to shake the funk I am in. It is a combination of work, home life and my own personal grumpiness that is weighing me down (figuratively and literally). I need a negativity detox program to save me. It's not that I want to feel this way, obviously, but I typically don't have this problem for this long. I feel creatively tapped, so planning for work seems like an impossible task. I am not motivated to workout like normal, so I miss my typical endorphin rush. I feel sad when I don't get to see my kids much each day and then I am frustrated when they are crabby. Sadly, my lack of motivation has not had a negative effect on my appetite, so this only exaggerates one of my issues. I wish I could take Kelli's new quote and "just build a bridge and get over it" but I can't seem to maneuver around this at the moment.

30's just a number

I can always rely on my wonderful husband to remind me that I am quickly approaching 30. I only have minutes to go! I, then, remind him that I can never catch up to him.

As this milestone in age approaches, I tell myself that 30 is just a number. It really is just that to me. I don't feel any older, although I am sure I look older. I haven't had any parents complaining yet about how young and inexperienced I must be because I look so young. Instead of feeling another year older, I think I will just remark on how much more experienced I am. I know that in the last year alone I have grown so much. I know that I became much wiser (maybe not in the ways of grammar...is "wiser" a word?) in the past 9 months. I feel more confident and accomplished...or maybe that is what 30 just feels like??

I have always been the "oldest" child in terms of actions in my family, even though I am the 3rd of four children. Perhaps this assumed role has helped me to gain the perspective that 30 truly is just a number, and that you are only as old as you feel. Maybe I can keep that as my personal motto...through my 30's, at least.

Happy birthday to me.

Recent weeks

Joslynn started preschool (one night a week) and is really excited about it. It is so hard to believe she is getting so old so fast. She was so cute at school the other night. I love the innocence and wonder that she has at this age.
Rowan just turned 5 months the other day. He has been eating cereal, veggies and fruit for several weeks now. He is incredibly strong and rolls over all the time and can really lift his head off the floor to look around when he is on his tummy. He is super happy and loves his brother and sister so much; they make him laugh and smile constantly. This picture is typical--a big smile on his face.
Rowan mistook my hand for his lunch. He was really hungry! He is a pretty big eater. When he wants food, there is no time to delay!
Joslynn is pretty tall for her age, but when these two laid down next to each other it was interesting to see how tall he is already! My two blue-eyed children.
Jackson was not so cooperative when we wanted to get a picture, thus, the crabby face. Rowan may pass him soon in the height department. Even though Jackson is moody and throws his fits, he is very kind and gentle with his little bro.

I mentioned on facebook a few weeks ago that I am acutely aware of some of these recent milestones with Rowan. I don't know if it is because I know he is our last baby and I am sad to see some of this time fly by, or if maybe my kids are just getting to that age where everything is in hyper-drive and we just can't keep up. All I know is, my kids are growing up so quickly! I am certainly enjoying it, especially seeing them with one another. Those are my favorite moments.

4 months

My baby boy is already 4 months old. Oh, how time has flown by. His big sis just adores him.
He can kind of sit up on his own, when he is propped against something, but he will fall forward after a while.

Here is the sleepy little man. Look at those cute puffy cheeks!

Clever boy

Yesterday we had an appointment at Gillette's for a continuation of the research study that Jackson is participating in. It is a 2 hour session of standardized questions and observations on the part of a physical therapist. It is interesting and entertaining to see Jackson interact with her, make her laugh and, also, impress us all with his clever antics. One part, in particular, was just hilarious.

Janie, the PT, was asking Jackson some questions. She said, "Jackson, if I were playing in the mud, I would be...." she looks to him to finish the statement. "A pig!" Jackson replies excitedly. We all break into laughter and Jackson's smile is from ear to ear showing his pleasure in making everyone else laugh. Undoubtedly, Janie was looking for something more like "dirty" as a response, however she agreed that he was not at all incorrect, so she thought she would try another one.

Janie: "Jackson, if I were playing outside in the winter and didn't have a coat on, I would be...."

I could see it coming and held back my laughter...

Jackson: "A snowman!!!"

Again, laughter enveloped the room and we joked about his candor. This kid sure can make us laugh.

Jackson's 3rd Birthday

Okay, I know...I am super late with this post considering Jackson turned 3 weeks ago, although in my defense, we couldn't have his birthday party until the following week and then of course I will fall back on the old "life got busy" excuse. Better late than never, right?

In the picture above, Jackson is being shy as we sing to him (which is the same thing he did when the Applebee's people did it). It was that horridly humid day (July 17th) when we had his party and my lens on the camera fogged up because of the extreme temperature difference between my camera and the outside.

This is Jackson's favorite new toy. He calls it the "garbage can" even though it is a garbage truck. It is pretty cute watching him put stuff in the mini garbage can and dump it in.

This is the birthday boy posing with his earthworm cupcakes. They were quite a hit!

Jackson's new wheels. We searched and searched to find the right ride for our little man. It is pretty cool. He has a little basket in front, the dump bucket in back and even a little zipper backpack on the back of his seat. Equipped with steering for mom or dad and a flip down foot rest for Jackson when he gets tired...this bad boy is decked out! Oh, and we got him the old style bell. It's so cute when he rings it.

I still cannot believe that he is 3 years old already. My babies are growing up too fast.

Emotions

Saturated...is how I feel with different emotions right now. I am not sure where they are all coming from, but I can definitely feel all swarming me from all directions.

Pissed-off...at myself for my poor eating habits and for not working out today.

Nervous...about all the impending BIG decisions related to the land and house that we have to make very soon.

Overwhelmed...with all of the new information and strategies that I feel I need to implement this year at work.

Sad...I missed my babies today. I know I have more time with them yet, but today just really made me sad about school approaching. I'm not ready to go back yet.

Excited...to learn more at my workshop this week.

Terrified...about the national debt situation. What will this mean for our country? What kind of future will my children have?

Torn...between two very nice, yet very different plots of land. We don't know what to do and this is such a huge decision.

Frumpy...is the way I feel tonight. I snacked on all the wrong things, and am sitting here feeling a little disgusted with myself right now.

Trapped...in this tiny apartment. I hate not having a yard, or walls that belong only to us.

Lonely...is how I get every once in a while when everyone else is in bed and I am working or sitting alone. They are all in the next rooms, but I just want to crawl in bed with all of them and snuggle.

Rushed...to finish my next set of classes. August 15th is quickly approaching and I have much to do.

Happy...that tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I'll have the wisdom, strength, courage and motivation to tackle the challenges I didn't before and to make it through the day with a lot more positive feelings by the time my head hits the pillow.