Emotions

Saturated...is how I feel with different emotions right now. I am not sure where they are all coming from, but I can definitely feel all swarming me from all directions.

Pissed-off...at myself for my poor eating habits and for not working out today.

Nervous...about all the impending BIG decisions related to the land and house that we have to make very soon.

Overwhelmed...with all of the new information and strategies that I feel I need to implement this year at work.

Sad...I missed my babies today. I know I have more time with them yet, but today just really made me sad about school approaching. I'm not ready to go back yet.

Excited...to learn more at my workshop this week.

Terrified...about the national debt situation. What will this mean for our country? What kind of future will my children have?

Torn...between two very nice, yet very different plots of land. We don't know what to do and this is such a huge decision.

Frumpy...is the way I feel tonight. I snacked on all the wrong things, and am sitting here feeling a little disgusted with myself right now.

Trapped...in this tiny apartment. I hate not having a yard, or walls that belong only to us.

Lonely...is how I get every once in a while when everyone else is in bed and I am working or sitting alone. They are all in the next rooms, but I just want to crawl in bed with all of them and snuggle.

Rushed...to finish my next set of classes. August 15th is quickly approaching and I have much to do.

Happy...that tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I'll have the wisdom, strength, courage and motivation to tackle the challenges I didn't before and to make it through the day with a lot more positive feelings by the time my head hits the pillow.

One more year

Dear Jackson,

Three years ago, you were quite reluctant to come out. You refused to come on your own, so at 41 weeks pregnant, the doc induced me. After a tough labor, and delivery, my 9 pound 2 ounce mini-man was here with a head full of black hair and incredible dark eyes. Since that day, you have graced us with your sweet nature, endless hugs and snuggles (I hope they never end) and the cutest little smile, and giggle I have ever seen or heard. Thank you so much for being the sweetest little man a mama could ask for. I love you. Happy Birthday.

Love,
Mommy

Random thoughts of the day

Here are a few random things that are on my mind that I felt like mentioning...

• I am taking the plunge and am committing to 12 credits this summer. I now have factual evidence of my own insanity. I registered for them and they need to be completed by Aug. 15th. Yikes!
  
• I am trying Zumba...and I like it!
• Gave Josh a haircut last night. It looks great. I could be a barber if everyone wanted his cut.
  
• I peeled off my beautiful nail polish from the wedding and I miss how pretty my nails looked. It makes me feel really superficial.
• I am super excited for Jackson's birthday gift to come in the mail...we'll take pictures on Sunday (his birthday). I hope it is here on time...unlike my zumba videos that were delivered a week late!
• I am just waiting for Rowan to laugh. He smiles like a kid in a candy store but we can't figure out what to do to give him that extra boost toward laughter. He is just so dang cute.
• Eye doc appointment today...wondering if maybe he/she can retest my eyes and see if I can wear contacts. I am so sick of glasses.

Are those not the most random thoughts? I guess I need any excuse to take a break from my very dry reading material.

A day of posts

Today seems to be the day that everyone else is updating their blog, must be the new month, so I figured I need to follow suit. I was reading TelegaWoman's blog and had some serious list envy, so to make myself feel better, I thought I would just list the random things I have done so far this summer since I didn't make a 'To-do' list. Some of them are much more trivial than others, but many are fun summer milestones.

These items have all taken place since June 1st.

• Started dieting (really)
• Exercised at least 5 days a week. Typically 6, but sometimes I find an excuse to get that 2nd day off. It turned out to be 24 of 30 days in June.
  
• Changed 100's of diapers
• Got a manicure and pedicure
• Went to a bachelorette party
  
• Was a bridesmaid
  
• Danced for about 2 hours on three separate occasions
• Got drunk once, buzzed twice...same dancing occasions as above
• Got a spray on tan (I would NOT recommend it! It made me feel sick.)
• Got a sunburn on my shoulders (naturally)
• Went to a parade (above sunburn was from this)
  
• Talked a lot of baby-talk
  
• Tried out a new restaurant
• Ate corn on the cob
  
• Got Rowan tested
• Weighed myself too many times
• Went to the farmer's market
• Drove to the cities
• Tried a new Essential Oil--Lavendar-works great for allergies!
  
• Received my diploma for my masters in the mail
  
• Registered Jackson with the district for SPED services
• Found a new babysitter in the area
  
• Started kids in new daycare
• Went out to an anniversary lunch with the whole family
• Attended a science meeting that infuriated me, but I'm over it already
  
• Seriously considered moving into larger apt. in same building, but opted not to
• Bought a few new things for myself, but nothing major (clutch purse, earrings, a few shirts and new jammies)
  
• Ate a LOT of watermelon
• Made homemade cards for my parent's anniversary and father's day
  
• Swam with the kids several times in the pool
  
• Visited grandma and grandpa a few times
• Went to a movie
  
• Spent some serious time researching good trikes for my little man's 3rd birthday
  
• Visited a friend w/ new baby in the hospital
  
• Went on a picnic with the family
• Watched the Kardashians (my guilty pleasure--I just like the drama, I guess)
  
• Took hundreds of pictures on my camera
• Completed about 97% of my first 3-credit class for the summer (sadly, my goal was to complete 4...not sure if that will happen)
• Spent lots of time snuggling and playing with kids

There are a lot of things that I wish were on this list, but who knows...maybe it'll happen. Thanks for the inspiration TelegaWoman.

Terrified

It's 2:51 a.m.

I am sitting in the rocking chair, holding the sweetest creature God could put on this earth. My baby.

I am silently crying a river of tears. The cold droplets run down my face and trickle down my neck. More than anything I want to just scream the anger and fear that I have been holding and hiding for months now, but I cannot.

I ask and plead with God to "Just make him okay...you have to make him okay." I stifle my last cries and lay him down to sleep.

Soon enough we'll know.

Motivation to frustration

My motivation to change my shape has now shifted to shear frustration. I've been bustin' my butt working out 5-6 times a week and depriving myself of delicious goodness for over a month now for a measly 4 pounds! Are you kidding me? Now I understand why people eat themselves into oblivion; because they tried to lose weight and the fat just laughed in their face! I also see why people resort to surgeries and crazy diet pills. I have to say, I think, no, wait, I KNOW, that I would rather go through another child birth than try to get this stubborn weight off. People always joke about not making the pregnant lady angry, well they should watch out for the dieting lady; she's one hungry bitch.

My baby sister is married

Saturday flew by in a flash...I managed to get some of it on camera. Unfortunately blogger likes to upload my pictures at random, so these don't necessarily go in order. Enjoy!

Joslynn had so much fun dancing the night away.


This is my sister and my dad; a picture that I wish I had. No one took pictures at my reception.


Joslynn certainly lived up her "princess for a day" look.


Joslynn was pretty outgoing and gave the groom a smooch in front of the whole reception.


Jackson fell asleep eating his chicken nuggets. I carried him out to the van and there was drool down my arm. He was pretty wrecked at 6pm. (No nap)


This was one of the best photos from the bride and groom's first dance. No, this wasn't the only part of the first dance, they started with a slow song and then did a remix dance number. It was pretty cool.


One of the many kisses during dinner.


The newlyweds!


This was my favorite--the reverse dip!


Mama and Joslynn all dressed up.


My favorite: Just me and my little man.