The birth

For those of you completely uninterested in reading about the birth of my third child, then you can exit this screen right now. I am mainly writing this to account for some of the details that I know I will forget very soon.

On Wednesday, April 13th, 2011 I woke up fairly early out of anticipation of meeting my new little munchkin. I made myself some toast and then went about our normal morning routine of getting dressed, bare essentials for makeup (literally) hair--no, we can skip doing hair today. I was ready before the kids even woke up and I paced around the house trying to straighten things up and make sure that I wasn't forgetting anything before we had to get going. Josh and I dropped off Joslynn and Jackson at daycare, leaving them with the news that they would have a new brother or sister later that day. Joslynn's eyes lit up!

We headed to the hospital and made a pit stop at a gas station so that Josh could get something to drink. After parking, checking in and walking throughout the hospital, we were in our room. I had a nice nurse named Trista. I changed into my gown, had to weigh myself (which was a huge ego boost since the scale said I was 9 pounds lighter than my last checkup! I am convinced that was the correct weight the whole time...at least that is what I am telling myself.) We proceeded with the necessary questions and paperwork. My IV was started and finally at 8:00 the Petosin was started.

Josh and I sat there talking and watching TV while Trista would come in from time to time with new information. At 9:00 my doctor came in to break my water. From here on out, the dilation process was slow. "You're at 3 and a half." "You're at 4." "You're at 4 and a half." This snail-like process had me worried that I would be there all day and into the night!

Trista and I discussed the options of pain control and she was great at explaining all my options. I had not ever had an epidural, so I wanted to know what I was getting into if I traveled that route. You might be asking yourself, "Why WOULDN'T you get an epidural?" (Yes, I read minds.) Well, I have this weird, claustrophobic fear and part of that fear is not being able to move. So, the thought of not being able to move my legs really scared me. However, after the birth of my son, Jackson, and all the ouchy stuff that happened with that, I was willing to consider this new option.

In an attempt to get the dilating ramped up a bit, we decided to go for a little stroll out in the hallway. After getting the mess of cords, and tubes and everything situated, we were on our way. By this time, the contractions were strong enough that I had to stop walking and focus and breathe, but it really felt good to get out of the bed and move. We did one little "lap" and decided to go for another. After 2 laps, we returned and I laid down.

Trista kept having to readjust the baby monitor on my belly to try and hear baby's heart rate. After watching it closely, she needed me to lay on my side so that she could keep close track of what was happening. After monitoring me and baby for a while, she checked me again and I was only at 5 centimeters. 'What? How can I only be at five???' I thought.

At this point, I was willing to try the epidural in hopes that it might speed my dilation. By the time the anesthesiologist got in there, the contractions were now strong enough where I could not talk to anyone, and I just needed to close my eyes, focus and breathe. It took quite a while to get the whole thing set up. When he injected the medicine into my back, I could actually feel it going into my right side. After the epidural was in I was freezing. They wanted me to lay down again, and I snuggled under the covers.

After a while things started to move very fast. The contractions became very strong and I could feel nothing in my right side, but I certainly felt EVERYTHING in my left. This was incredibly uncomfortable and the contractions definitely took over my body because I started shaking uncontrollably. It was like I had hypothermia--I wanted to stop shaking, but I couldn't. I think it was my body's way of dealing with the pain.

We finally got the anesthesiologist back in and we discussed my options. Because of the amount of pain I was in, I opted for him to try to adjust the existing epidural, rather than start all over with a new one. After about 10 minutes, things started to get a little better on the left side and I was so relieved. The contractions were still very strong, but I could breathe easier and I started to feel some pressure...you know, down there.

Trista checked me again and to my complete surprise, she said, you are ready! They called in my doctor and they started to prep for the actual delivery. This was a surreal time. In the few moments of the doctor prepping the bed, more nurses coming in, the leg stirrups, the medical tools...it is like a blur.

My doctor is...how should I say this...borderline eccentric? He is very upbeat and completely competent, but he is a little different. There was a medical student in the room and he was talking to her and trying to explain a few things to her. Then he looks at me and says, "You're ready." It is nice to know that your doctor has confidence in you too because he was telling the med student that she was in the right room to view her first birth because I was a pro.

Then the doc says, "When you feel your next contraction coming you let us know and then you are going to push."

(Deep sigh) "Okay." I say, and I think I nod my head.

"Okay, one is coming." I feel the pressure, I push. The contraction is over. I feel another one, I push...

"Here he is! It's a boy!"

They laid him on my chest and I see my perfect little baby and say "hello" to him over and over because I can't believe he is here. It is instant, unbreakable love.

The new man in my life

I can't believe that over a week has gone by since my new little man was born. Rowan James Stewart is the newest man in my life and he is so wonderful. He loves to snuggle and he listens intently when I talk to him; he literally hangs on every word. I need to cherish that while it lasts! He is just a tiny little peanut; most of his clothes drown his little body. We're working on that.

His sister vies over his every move. She smothers him with kisses and brings him toys and stuffed animals that are too big for him, but it is the cutest gesture. His brother mostly watches from a distance, but will occasionally stop by to hold him or to just peek at what he is up to.

Rowan does all the cute facial expressions in his sleep like the one-sided grin, puckered lips, grumpy face and my personal favorite is the "drunk-on-the-milk" look. If we are comparing him to siblings to show similarities, then he is most like his sister. His eyes are a brighter blue right now and that is how Joslynn's were; Jackson's eyes were almost black with a blue tint to them---his are brown now. Rowan also squirms and grunts like his sister did and nurses like she did too. They both have the crazy "tiger face" as I call it. Rowan has his own distinct qualities though; he has very long fingers, so his hands look enormous. He also has long toes, just like mommy. He had less hair when he was born than either one of the kids, but it is still a nice little dark coating.

Currently, his eyelashes are starting to sprout out. He has been letting me get about 3 hours of sleep at a time at night, which is nice. He doesn't mind the noise that the kids are constantly making; actually, I think it helps him sleep. His cord stub fell off a few days ago, so I will be giving him his first real bath tonight at home. Tomorrow, we plan to venture out to grandma and grandpa's house for Easter.

This is my first time taking a maternity leave, and I have to say, I love it. I think I am especially enjoying it for several reasons: I had a hell of a year leading up to this, and I think since Rowan is our last baby, I am soaking up every minute of baby-time.

Much Easier To Let Go

My honors students made it much easier for me to let go of work today. Up until just recently, I have been having a hard time letting go of work. I know that may sound crazy to some people, but I truly invest (far too much) of my life into my work. I take my job very seriously; I have extremely high standards for myself, and evidently too high for my students. Anyway... I think the part that was making it hard to let go was because I didn't feel ready to go. I wasn't ready. I have never taken a leave before and I hate making up sub plans, so it was hard for me to prepare to be gone. I have since then spent time with my sub, personally discussing what I would do if I were there, getting papers, etc. in order and I am now plenty ready to be done. Mostly, I am so uncomfortable and really excited to meet this little munchkin that I am excited to be done, but I feel that I am leaving prepared to know that I wasn't leaving in a frenzy. As I started off the post, I said that my honors students made it much easier for me to leave, well, I wasn't kidding. I took the time to prepare a survey, 9 questions and a place to leave "constructive" criticism since this was the first year I was teaching honors and wanted some feedback. I can't believe I wasted my time! I was nearly heartbroken after reading some of their responses. I hate those moments when you question your own ability in what you are doing. I know they are just kids and will make excuses and blame anyone for what they don't understand even though I know that I worked my ass off to help them succeed, but it is still hard to hear. I guess I shouldn't take myself so seriously...

On the bright side, in 48 hours, a new little baby will be sitting in my arms and that will be the only thing I can or even want to think about.

I wanna look like this again

I miss wearing more than just black.

I miss having a waistline.

I miss not waddling when I walk.

I miss being able to exercise.

I miss feeling sexy.

I miss my jeans.

I know it is totally selfish and self-centered of me, but I miss the non-pregnant me.

I wanna look like this again.

Productive Day

This morning we cleaned like crazy for our 6th showing on the house. The house was listed on the 1st of the month. Tomorrow we have our second open house and on Wednesday, we have our 7th showing scheduled. After cleaning, I was off to class and Josh was off to grandma and grandpa's house with the kiddos.

After class, I went to Target and spent a lot of money, but I picked up some essentials, some gifts for the kids for Easter and even some baby prep items. I then ventured off to Great Harvest Bread Company for some deliciously fresh baked bread. (No wonder I am the size of a house--I love bread soooo much!)

By the time I got home it was about 1:30. At this time I unloaded the Tribute, which took about 4 trips with all of my school bags and purchases. I unloaded said purchases, switched the laundry, made a sandwich and sat down on the couch and started watching part of a movie. This was my break from the two papers I had already written previously this morning. By the way, the windows were open the whole time and it was lovely. After procrastinating by finishing my movie, I knocked out five more papers before dinner. For breaks in between papers, I would do little things like water the plants or check facebook and I also dug out a "baby bag" to start packing someday soon. After feeling a little burned out of writing reflective papers, I heated up some leftovers (pizza--yet another reason I am the size of a house) and then made a loaf of banana bread (yep--third reason in this post for body and baby size).

My banana bread was smelling heavenly when I cut up some strawberries, and just about the time I put them in the frig my babies arrived home. We talked about their days and played a little bit, then we finally got in the bathroom for tubbies once they each had some jelly beans out of the new Easter dish I found at Target today. We scrubbed and soaked and got all pruny, got lotioned up and dressed, then we were off to do Jackson's stretches. Two bedtime stories, a little rocking-chair time and hugs and kisses sent the munchkins to bed.

At this point I unpacked some stuff from my breast pump and decided to sterilize the tubing and bottles, lids, etc...those are currently air drying on the counter. I wrapped a birthday present for my nieces birthday party that is tomorrow at my brothers and this is where I am at. I have two loads of laundry sitting on my bed, waiting to be folded...after that, I think I am done. It has been a very productive day.

A new list is easier...

Okay, revising my list was getting more confusing by the minute, so we'll do an end-of-the-week update.

1. I am DONE, yes, I said DONE with my paper! I have small revisions to do once my professor sends it back, but the major amount of man-hours have been invested and it is finally in the last stages. Yeah! I think I would do a cart-wheel right now if I didn't have a watermelon in my stomach.

2. I have not done a single paper for my Reflection class, nor am I upset by that at all. I was able to cross off the most important priority from my to-do list and I will squeeze them in somehow, I always do.

3. We are set for our 2nd interview with the other daycare tonight. I really want this whole process to be done so that we can start to plan ahead. We may even start to transition the kids into the new daycare this summer if it works out with the one that we chose.

4. The blood tests match the kids' skin test results. It looks like Jackson is allergic to neither peanuts nor eggs, (Yea!) so we will be doing a "food challenge" for each in the next month and half. Joslynn is still allergic to eggs, but the allergist thinks that for ease of living we will do the challenge with her too so that we know if she can at least eat eggs in baked goods, etc. Phewww! I am excited with the results and we will only learn more with the upcoming appointments.

5. Oh, yeah, the Honors essay tests I need to grade. Uhm...let's just say, I'm workin' on it. I think I have graded like 8 or so. That doesn't really even make a dent, but maybe this weekend???

6. I spent 4 very unwanted, but incredibly necessary hours at school yesterday morning. I printed off countless papers and have a huge chunk of my next school-month planned out. I have just a few little things to take care of and I am set!

7. Maternity Leave Letter is written, proof-read and printed! Ready to go!

8. I have two major phone calls to make with questions about more therapy for Jackson. One should be taken care of today, the other I can take care of in person at school.

9. Okay, poor baby...we are going to find you some clothes here soon. I am literally going to go and start sorting as soon as this post is published!

10. Pedicure...you've never sounded so good! I can't wait for tomorrow!

Lists are the trend (revised 3/9/11)

Since reading several other blogs that contain Spring Break To-Do Lists, I think that I probably need to organize my thoughts a bit and do the same. I am typically more inclined to follow through once I have written it down.

1. I need to start and finish (or as close as humanly possible) my action research paper. As of now, I have 52 pages of paper written; that is just the first part. Now, I need to actually discuss my results and interpret them and blah, blah, blah. I think I have not only been procrastinating on this because of everything going on, but also because I was so disappointed that my research was nearly obliterated by the clickers that were so moody and decided to work and not work at inopportune times. I have started, now I just need to finish...my goal is no later than Friday to have this thing in the bag... I have one section left (rough draft) and I am waiting to hear feedback on the rest, but then I am done with the exception of small little revisions etc. My goal has now shifted to being 100% done with my rough draft by Thursday at noon. (I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!)

2. Reflect on my masters degree. I need to write as many of my 10 totally ridiculous and pointless papers that will go into my (also) worthless e-folio that no one will ever look at and will only collect cyber-dust. Can you tell I am super excited to cross this one off my list?

3. Interview with 2 1 daycare(s). I have meetings set up with them already. I also need to do some more research and calling about a few other potential options. The first interview went very well. I think we feel better already knowing that we have one very good option.

4. Take the kids to the allergist. We have been wondering for a while if the kids still have their egg allergy, and we would also like to see someone else, so we are having them retested. Skin test results: Jackson is allergic to kitties. Joslynn is still allergic to eggs. We did a blood test to look a little further because evidently skin tests have a 50% chance of showing false positives...Hhmf. We will know more later in the week, but I am hopeful that we can eliminate some allergies here.

5. Grade 61 honors science essay tests. Kat--you are so stupid, yet you challenge your students to think critically at the same time. It's never a nice balance.

6. Plan the details for my next unit: weather. I will start this the day we return from break and I have no copies made, so you know what that means...I have to go to school sometime. I really don't want to, but I have a huge mess in my room and really need to sort through stuff here soon. I think this is going to be my Thursday morning task...

7. Write a letter to my students' parents about my maternity leave. I really don't know how to start off or what to say, but I think that many, especially kids with disabilities and/or the honors students' parents will appreciate a "heads up" about the fact that their teacher will be missing close to a quarter of teaching their child. DONE! and proofread, thank you Holly.

8. Make some more insurance & therapy type phone calls. We need to look into some alternative therapies for Jackson. On the docket, horseback riding and swimming... Just need to ask some more questions at PT today and then talk to a friend from work about swimming...Becky- I mean you.

9. Dig out the teeny-tiny baby clothes. I need to wash them and find somewhere in this tiny little house to put more kids' clothes, diapers, wipes, blankies, etc, etc, etc. Tiny little diapers are put away...I still need to dig out the clothes though. That is on the list for tonight. The clothes are out...now the sorting, and washing process. I think I might do that now to take a break from my paper while I wait for feedback.

10. My final thing to do on my list is meet my good friend for a pedicure. Both of our husbands got us gift certificates to DayLily for Valentines. We will put them to good use. My feet look horrendous; I hope I don't traumatize the poor schmuck who gets stuck working on my feet next Saturday.

I have only listed 10 things here, although it feels like a thousand! Wish me luck and hope for no writers-block!